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The first month of parenting as told by Google searches

Google searchYou can tell a lot about a person from their recent Google search history, and I’m willing to bet that new parents are some of Google’s most active users. My wife and I searched so many things in the first month of Lydia’s life that we probably bogged down the Wi-Fi for the rest of the apartment complex.

About a month after Lydia was born, we decided to take inventory of all our searches and remind ourselves of the frequent moments of desperation in which we turned to Google as our lifeline for help to know what to do with our newborn.

Although most of these searches speak for themselves, I’ll expound on a few of my favorite stories just for kicks.

Google searches

Newborn snorts sound like pug: I kid you not, there were times that Lydia sounded indistinguishable from little pug. Although it was hilarious, we also worried that it was so bizarre that something might be wrong. It didn’t take reading many of the search results, however, before learning that lots of people think their babies grunt like pugs, so we were comforted to know she wouldn’t grow up and be mistaken for a dog.

How to set up the bedside bassinet: Learning how to set up a portable crib is worse than building a store full of Ikea furniture with a blindfold on. How on earth could a collapsible box with some fabric hung over it be so infuriatingly confusing?! We definitely wouldn’t have figured this one out if it weren’t for Google (for the record, the instructions that came with the crib were useless).

How to loosen straps on carseat

How to loosen the straps on newborn carseat

How to loosen the straps on Graco newborn carseat

How to loosen straps on Graco SnugRide Click Connect 35

Loosen straps on Graco SnugRide Click Connect 35 video

I had originally thought the crib was the worst run-in I’d have with baby gear engineering. That was until I tried to figure out how to loosen the straps on our car seat. In case it isn’t grossly apparent by the number of search variations, I could not figure this out for the life of me. Just like setting up a portable crib, it’s really not that hard if you are generally familiar with baby products—but, clearly, I was not. It took me five search variations and a few phone calls, but I finally found that hidden button in the front that loosens the straps.

I’ll be honest, if Lydia had been born before Google existed, I don’t know how she would have survived our severe incompetence as parents. Googling was nice for two reasons: First, we usually found a pretty good answer. Second, each time our searches came back with millions of relevant results, we were strangely comforted to realize that most every first-time parent is about as incompetent as we were. You know what they say, “ignorance loves company”… or something like that. So, if you’re a new parent worrying about how on earth you’re supposed to raise a baby, be comforted that millions of people on Google have been through the same fears as you. Oh, and maybe give any neighbors who share your Wi-Fi a heads up that their connection might be a little slow for a while.

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