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How many weeks?

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You know what I think I just realized? I still haven’t shared the gender of our second baby, even though we have known for weeks! Is that correct? I think it is! Sadly, this is not surprising to me, and in fact, is pretty common in my daily life. The reality is I don’t think about baby No. 2 that much, even though I am approaching the halfway point in this pregnancy! My husband keeps saying, “I don’t want you to have to do that because of stress. You’re pregnant.” I usually reply, “Oh yes! I am pregnant. I keep forgetting.” Tell me I’m not alone in this, and that I am not the worst mom ever!

We got pregnant again quickly after having our daughter (they will be 13 months apart)! To be completely honest, I am too consumed with her to really think about this new baby growing inside me—aside from taking supplements and avoiding certain things. Even though our son—yes, it’s a boy!—will grace us with his presence in August, I still struggle to remember I am pregnant and keep track of his progress.

Like many newly expectant moms, I was on top of things with my first pregnancy. I knew what size my growing baby was, what fruit was equivalent to that same measurement, the developing parts of her body, what was coming next, etc. I used to skip ahead in the calendar app and relish in what a few weeks time would do for her growth. With this baby, I can barely remember how many weeks I am. I estimate each time I am asked, or refer to my due date instead. I don’t have the cute reminders on my phone, and I’m not reading any books or blogs on how to prepare or what to expect.

I think one of the main reasons our minds can’t seem to fathom the addition of another baby is because we are in the honeymoon phase with our daughter (as I mentioned last week). Eight months is such a fun age! The return of emotion, smiles, laughter, etc. is so heartwarming my heart is basically on fire all day, every day. Her presence is such a bright light in my life I cannot look beyond it at this point. I don’t think I will be able to prepare mentally for another baby, and I just have to trust the natural process of loving two children equally will happen on its own. For me, there is no one other than my daughter, Bellamy, filling in the “adorable baby I love so much” space in my heart. It’s not something she shares yet, and even when she does, she will always be my special first baby.

I feel guilty sometimes when I slow down enough to remember I really don’t remember this sweet, tiny baby boy. I keep wondering when it will feel “real.” I thought it would be when we found out the sex, but that hasn’t seemed to make a difference. Perhaps it will be when I feel some firm kicks or when the heartburn and terrible sciatic nerve pain creeps back into my nightly routine. If all else fails, I will eventually have contractions and be in labor. That will be a definite wake-up call!

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